What is there that’s more serene 

Than the glisten on the aubergine? 

What on God’s earth is akin 

To that gleam upon purple skin? 

To see the sun reflected so 

Will always lift you when you’re low. 

So when your life is in a mess 

Just gaze upon its pure brightness. 

 

     Oh aubergine, oh aubergine, 

     Delightful be thy glimmer 

     By contrast other vegetables’ 

     Reflections are much dimmer. 

 

What, pray tell me, could supplant 

The sparkle of a fine eggplant? 

To denigrate its luminosity 

Is the pinnacle of pomposity. 

You don’t need a feather duster 

To buff up its marvellous lustre, 

Just the sun’s caressing rays 

Are sufficient for its glaze. 

 

     Oh aubergine, oh aubergine, 

     Pray lift me with your light. 

     Without your dazzling glisten 

     My life’s a crock of shite. 

 

What is there that can compare 

With that brilliant shining glare? 

Travel far across the briny, 

You’ll never see a thing so shiny. 

And even when it starts to wrinkle 

The eggplant’s sheen beats any star’s twinkle. 

I’d happily sing and do a silly dance 

In celebration of the aubergine’s brilliance. 

 

     Oh aubergine, oh aubergine, 

     Oh how I love your gloss 

     You make all other vegetables 

     Look a pile of toss. 

 

     Oh aubergine, oh aubergine 

     How I admire your glitter. 

     You can take all other vegetables 

     And stick them up your shitter. 

 

     Oh aubergine, oh aubergine, 

     The finest on the planet. 

     To you I dedicate these words... 

     OK, you’re right, I’ll can it.