Oh, knickerless woman on a saddleless bike
The smile on your face tells me just what you like.
I watch you each day as you enjoy your treat,
A long freewheel ride down the main cobbled street.
You smile at the baker, his dough promptly rises.
The postman’s large packet contains no surprises.
The butcher goes indoors - he must beat his meat
The coal man knows just what to stoke to make heat.
And off for his lunch, you wave at the banker
Who’ll cry "Mine’s a large one" at the Crown And Anchor.
The milkman looks happy, see how his face beams.
He knows the best place to deliver his creams.
The fireman’s hand is grasped tight round his pole
He knows his large chopper can bang any hole.
His helmet is hard as his hose starts to squirt.
Could he have guessed what goes on ’neath your skirt?
Oh panti-free lady, you do not feel shame,
For in your small world these men don’t know your game.
But under the drain is where I get my thrill.
I work in the sewers, and can see through the grill.
And I’ve told them all, who work in this street
The newspaper boy, PC Plod on his beat
They all know your secret, but only I see,
And each day the drains take ten extra c.c.
- Washing Up In The Nude
- National Curry Day
- Go East Young Man
- Bachelor Gay
- A Song In My Heart
- Finger On The Button
- A Postcard From Paris
- Nob Gags
- Boris Et Al
- Auntie Brenda’s Pheasant
- I Walked On My Own Feet A Bit
- Shiter’s Block
- Thank Friday It’s Curry Day
- Look At Me I’m Wonderful
- The Glisten On The Aubergine
- In The Park
- Being Smelly
- Great Fat Hairy Arseholes
- The Shits
- My Old Man’s A Dustman
- Star Trek
- Ode To My Stapler
- Waldrapp Ibis
- Bum Cracks
- Die Like Elvis
- I Walked On Golden Sandwiches
- We Are All Tubes
- If I Were
- I Want A Wee Wee
- Grimsby Fair
- Ode To O
- Let’s Swap Snot
- A Poet’s Life
- Come To Grimsby
- Ill Ness
- Brian Is A Cunt
- National Poetry Day
- A Postcard From Cairo
- The Secret Life Of The Wheat Crunchie
- The Breakfast Song
- Dining At The Y
- Born To Be A Cunt
- Bog Troll
- Printer Friendly Version
- Theme For An Imaginary Soap
- Owed To Ayrton
- Safe Word