I Want A Wee Wee

I want a wee wee 

I’m dying for a piss 

I’ve never felt my bladder bursting 

Quite as bad as this. 

The strain is so unbearable 

I’m writhing in my chair 

I cross my legs and fidget 

And I grumble in dispair. 

 

Oh God I need a wee wee 

I must go to the toilet 

But here I stay to write this poem 

For you; I cannot spoil it. 

That’s the standard you expect 

From a professional such as me. 

I put my readers way before 

My need to have a pee. 

 

Oh bloody hell, I’ve got to go 

I cannot bear this pain. 

But first I’ve got to end this poem 

Or everything’s in vain. 

Wait a minute! No, that’s wrong! 

I know what I’ll do. 

I can finish off this poem 

When I’m back from the loo.... 

 

Excuse me......... 

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Aw fuck! I didn’t make it. 

I went and wet my pants. 

I should have gone before I started. 

Now I missed my chance. 

And so this poem is pointless 

For I know one thing for sure. 

I’ve realised that I don’t want 

A wee wee anymore. 

 

• A Poet’s Life
• Star Trek
• A Postcard From Cairo
• Waldrapp Ibis
• A Postcard From Paris
• Washing Up In The Nude
• A Song In My Heart
• We Are All Tubes
• Auntie Brenda’s Pheasant
• Bachelor Gay
• Beansprouts
• Being Smelly
• Bike
• Bog Troll
• Bollocks
• Boris Et Al
• When
• Born To Be A Cunt
• Brian Is A Cunt
• Bum Cracks
• Chairs
• Chips
• Come To Grimsby
• Crustylingus
• Die Like Elvis
• Dining At The Y
• Zafira
• Finger On The Button
• Fuck
• GDPR
• Go East Young Man
• Goose
• Printer Friendly Version
• Great Fat Hairy Arseholes
• Grimsby Fair
• Safe Word
• I Walked On Golden Sandwiches
• Shiter’s Block
• I Walked On My Own Feet A Bit
• I Want A Wee Wee
• If I Were
• Ill Ness
• In The Park
• JFK
• Kelp
• Let’s Swap Snot
• Look At Me I’m Wonderful
• My Old Man’s A Dustman
• National Curry Day
• National Poetry Day
• Nob Gags
• Ode To My Stapler
• Ode To O
• Owed To Ayrton
• Pervert
• Poultry
• Theme For An Imaginary Soap
• Thank Friday It’s Curry Day
• The Breakfast Song
• Underwear
• The Glisten On The Aubergine
• The Shits
• The Secret Life Of The Wheat Crunchie

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