Safe Word
Ow!
Ow!
Ow, ow, ow!
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
Ouch!
Ooooh!
Ow, ow, aaargh!
Arg! Ooh!
Ow, ow, yaaaahh!
Please, miss,
can I have some more?
Ow! That really hurts.
Ow! God that truly burns
Ow!
That’s even worse.
Owwww!
Okay, that’s enough
Ow, that’s really sore.
Ow, ow! Time to stop, now, please.
I can take no more.
Ow! Ow!
Stop I say!
Stop! Haven’t you heard?
Ow, ow, now let’s think,
What was the safe word?
Bloody hell, what was it?
Ow! Shit! I’ve forgotten.
Ow! Please, stop it, now!
Ooooh, my poor red bottom.
Was it Fish? Was it Wine?
Ow! Oh, was it Cheese?
Maybe it was Mango? Ow!
Banana? Orange? Peach?
Red! Red!
It must be red!
Ow! Oh, shit, it’s not.
Why have I gone and chosen
A word that I forgot?
Penguin?
Snippet?
Artichoke?
Goblin? Ow! No, Wizard!
Lobster? Hatstand? Dribble? Ow!
Chicken. Gobble. Gizzard.
Ow! Plinth!
Ow! Moist!
Ow! You’re killing me.
Ow! Plunge!
Ow! Sponge!
Ow! What can it be?
Platypus?
Dromedary?
Hippo? Armadillo?
Kangaroo? Ow!
Fu Man Chu? Ow!
Aardvark, Puma, Hippo?
Ow! Ow! Ow!
*sniff*
Ow! Ow! Owwwwww!
Could it be Trombone?
Please take pity
On my arse.
Oooooh, I hate to moan.
Banjo! Ow!
Teapot! Ow!
Can’t you hear me cry?
Jelly! Ow!
Custard! Ow!
I think I’m going to die...
Owwww! *sob*
Ow-owwww! *blub*
I’m gasping now for breath.
God, please stop
I’m about to drop...
You’re beating me to death.
Ow!
Urgh...
Aargh!
Uhh...
Oh no! There’s the tunnel of light!
Ow! Gasp..
Ow! Help!
This is the end -
What a pile of shite...
Pant...
Phew....
Gasp...
Gulp...
Oh, wait! I think it’s stopped!
It finished, right,
When I said ’shite’!
My clogs I nearly popped.
Yippee! Yay!
Hurrah! Hey!
No more pain and strife!
I’ll live to play
Another day.
Shite just saved my life.
- A Poet’s Life
- Star Trek
- A Postcard From Cairo
- Waldrapp Ibis
- A Postcard From Paris
- Washing Up In The Nude
- A Song In My Heart
- We Are All Tubes
- Auntie Brenda’s Pheasant
- Bachelor Gay
- Beansprouts
- Being Smelly
- Bike
- Bog Troll
- Bollocks
- Boris Et Al
- When
- Born To Be A Cunt
- Brian Is A Cunt
- Bum Cracks
- Chairs
- Chips
- Come To Grimsby
- Crustylingus
- Die Like Elvis
- Dining At The Y
- Zafira
- Finger On The Button
- Fuck
- GDPR
- Go East Young Man
- Goose
- Printer Friendly Version
- Great Fat Hairy Arseholes
- Grimsby Fair
- Safe Word
- I Walked On Golden Sandwiches
- Shiter’s Block
- I Walked On My Own Feet A Bit
- I Want A Wee Wee
- If I Were
- Ill Ness
- In The Park
- JFK
- Kelp
- Let’s Swap Snot
- Look At Me I’m Wonderful
- My Old Man’s A Dustman
- National Curry Day
- National Poetry Day
- Nob Gags
- Ode To My Stapler
- Ode To O
- Owed To Ayrton
- Pervert
- Poultry
- Theme For An Imaginary Soap
- Thank Friday It’s Curry Day
- The Breakfast Song
- Underwear
- The Glisten On The Aubergine
- The Shits
- The Secret Life Of The Wheat Crunchie
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