Brian Is A Cunt
Brian is a cunt.
You can stick him underground.
Put him six feet under
Where he never will be found.
Let him rot and fester
In a casket of cheap pine
With plastic fake-brass handles
Where the sun will never shine.
Let me dance upon his grave
And sing a merry song
About the corpse beneath my feet
Down where it does belong.
Join me in a party
And spread wide the invitation
To anyone who’d love to
Celibrate his expiration.
Let us dig his coffin up
And bring it to the feast
Let us prise the lid open
And drag out the deceased.
Oh what fun and games we could have
With our guest of honour.
There’s no need to leave him out
Just ’cos he’s a goner.
Let us put on boxing gloves
And punch him in the face.
And then play "Who can kick the cunt
The furthest around this place?"
String him like a puppet
Make him dance Y.M.C.A.
And give a small voicebox
That just says, "I am gay".
Then let us hire a rent boy
Who’s prepared to shag the dead,
And when he’s done it up his arse
Will give old Brian his head.
And then return him to the grave
Amongst the grubs and worms.
Partied out to kingdom come
His sphincter full of sperm.
- Washing Up In The Nude
- Bike
- Chips
- National Curry Day
- Go East Young Man
- Bachelor Gay
- Poultry
- A Song In My Heart
- Finger On The Button
- A Postcard From Paris
- Beansprouts
- Nob Gags
- Bollocks
- Boris Et Al
- Crustylingus
- Auntie Brenda’s Pheasant
- I Walked On My Own Feet A Bit
- Shiter’s Block
- Thank Friday It’s Curry Day
- Look At Me I’m Wonderful
- The Glisten On The Aubergine
- In The Park
- Being Smelly
- Great Fat Hairy Arseholes
- The Shits
- My Old Man’s A Dustman
- Star Trek
- Ode To My Stapler
- Chairs
- Waldrapp Ibis
- Bum Cracks
- Die Like Elvis
- Kelp
- Fuck
- I Walked On Golden Sandwiches
- We Are All Tubes
- Underwear
- If I Were
- I Want A Wee Wee
- Pervert
- GDPR
- Grimsby Fair
- Ode To O
- Let’s Swap Snot
- A Poet’s Life
- Come To Grimsby
- Ill Ness
- Brian Is A Cunt
- National Poetry Day
- A Postcard From Cairo
- The Secret Life Of The Wheat Crunchie
- When
- The Breakfast Song
- Dining At The Y
- Zafira
- Born To Be A Cunt
- Goose
- Bog Troll
- Printer Friendly Version
- JFK
- Theme For An Imaginary Soap
- Owed To Ayrton
- Safe Word