I Walked On My Own Feet A Bit
I walked on my own feet a bit
It really was quite novel
’Twas nice to take the air and leave
My rancid scummy hovel.
I’d been asleep a hundred years
And missed a century
And, oh, what wondrous things there were
Around for me to see.
A carriage minus horses
A grape without a pip
A little pill that sends you on
A mind-expanding trip.
An episode of Star Trek
On a digital TV
A frozen apple crumble
From the hands of Sara Lee
The internet! A site with poems
That are completely Shite.
A washing powder that can get
Your clothes completely white.
A plastic card that gets you cash
Directly from a bank
Magazines of naked chicks
To help you have a wank.
Then soon enough my day was done
I staggered home to bed
Another hundred years sleep
I need to feed my head.
And as I lay back down I thought
Of all these glorious things
Can’t wait to see just what the next
One hundred years brings.
- Washing Up In The Nude
- Bike
- Chips
- National Curry Day
- Go East Young Man
- Bachelor Gay
- Poultry
- A Song In My Heart
- Finger On The Button
- A Postcard From Paris
- Beansprouts
- Nob Gags
- Bollocks
- Boris Et Al
- Crustylingus
- Auntie Brenda’s Pheasant
- I Walked On My Own Feet A Bit
- Shiter’s Block
- Thank Friday It’s Curry Day
- Look At Me I’m Wonderful
- The Glisten On The Aubergine
- In The Park
- Being Smelly
- Great Fat Hairy Arseholes
- The Shits
- My Old Man’s A Dustman
- Star Trek
- Ode To My Stapler
- Chairs
- Waldrapp Ibis
- Bum Cracks
- Die Like Elvis
- Kelp
- Fuck
- I Walked On Golden Sandwiches
- We Are All Tubes
- Underwear
- If I Were
- I Want A Wee Wee
- Pervert
- GDPR
- Grimsby Fair
- Ode To O
- Let’s Swap Snot
- A Poet’s Life
- Come To Grimsby
- Ill Ness
- Brian Is A Cunt
- National Poetry Day
- A Postcard From Cairo
- The Secret Life Of The Wheat Crunchie
- When
- The Breakfast Song
- Dining At The Y
- Zafira
- Born To Be A Cunt
- Goose
- Bog Troll
- Printer Friendly Version
- JFK
- Theme For An Imaginary Soap
- Owed To Ayrton
- Safe Word
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