I Walked On My Own Feet A Bit
I walked on my own feet a bit
It really was quite novel
’Twas nice to take the air and leave
My rancid scummy hovel.
I’d been asleep a hundred years
And missed a century
And, oh, what wondrous things there were
Around for me to see.
A carriage minus horses
A grape without a pip
A little pill that sends you on
A mind-expanding trip.
An episode of Star Trek
On a digital TV
A frozen apple crumble
From the hands of Sara Lee
The internet! A site with poems
That are completely Shite.
A washing powder that can get
Your clothes completely white.
A plastic card that gets you cash
Directly from a bank
Magazines of naked chicks
To help you have a wank.
Then soon enough my day was done
I staggered home to bed
Another hundred years sleep
I need to feed my head.
And as I lay back down I thought
Of all these glorious things
Can’t wait to see just what the next
One hundred years brings.
- Goose
- Great Fat Hairy Arseholes
- Die Like Elvis
- National Curry Day
- Bachelor Gay
- A Postcard From Paris
- Poultry
- Bike
- If I Were
- Beansprouts
- JFK
- Owed To Ayrton
- The Glisten On The Aubergine
- Printer Friendly Version
- Underwear
- Chairs
- The Secret Life Of The Wheat Crunchie
- Bog Troll
- Waldrapp Ibis
- When
- Kelp
- Born To Be A Cunt
- I Walked On Golden Sandwiches
- A Postcard From Cairo
- Grimsby Fair
- Safe Word
- Zafira
- Theme For An Imaginary Soap
- Star Trek
- Washing Up In The Nude
- Thank Friday It’s Curry Day
- Ode To My Stapler
- The Breakfast Song
- Pervert
- We Are All Tubes
- Fuck
- Finger On The Button
- Come To Grimsby
- Shiter’s Block
- Go East Young Man
- Auntie Brenda’s Pheasant
- Brian Is A Cunt
- National Poetry Day
- Crustylingus
- In The Park
- Ill Ness
- I Want A Wee Wee
- Nob Gags
- I Walked On My Own Feet A Bit
- Dining At The Y
- Let’s Swap Snot
- Bum Cracks
- A Poet’s Life
- Ode To O
- Boris Et Al
- GDPR
- Look At Me I’m Wonderful
- My Old Man’s A Dustman
- Bollocks
- Chips
- Being Smelly
- A Song In My Heart
- The Shits
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