I Walked On My Own Feet A Bit
I walked on my own feet a bit
It really was quite novel
’Twas nice to take the air and leave
My rancid scummy hovel.
I’d been asleep a hundred years
And missed a century
And, oh, what wondrous things there were
Around for me to see.
A carriage minus horses
A grape without a pip
A little pill that sends you on
A mind-expanding trip.
An episode of Star Trek
On a digital TV
A frozen apple crumble
From the hands of Sara Lee
The internet! A site with poems
That are completely Shite.
A washing powder that can get
Your clothes completely white.
A plastic card that gets you cash
Directly from a bank
Magazines of naked chicks
To help you have a wank.
Then soon enough my day was done
I staggered home to bed
Another hundred years sleep
I need to feed my head.
And as I lay back down I thought
Of all these glorious things
Can’t wait to see just what the next
One hundred years brings.
- A Poet’s Life
- Star Trek
- A Postcard From Cairo
- Waldrapp Ibis
- A Postcard From Paris
- Washing Up In The Nude
- A Song In My Heart
- We Are All Tubes
- Auntie Brenda’s Pheasant
- Bachelor Gay
- Beansprouts
- Being Smelly
- Bike
- Bog Troll
- Bollocks
- Boris Et Al
- When
- Born To Be A Cunt
- Brian Is A Cunt
- Bum Cracks
- Chairs
- Chips
- Come To Grimsby
- Crustylingus
- Die Like Elvis
- Dining At The Y
- Zafira
- Finger On The Button
- Fuck
- GDPR
- Go East Young Man
- Goose
- Printer Friendly Version
- Great Fat Hairy Arseholes
- Grimsby Fair
- Safe Word
- I Walked On Golden Sandwiches
- Shiter’s Block
- I Walked On My Own Feet A Bit
- I Want A Wee Wee
- If I Were
- Ill Ness
- In The Park
- JFK
- Kelp
- Let’s Swap Snot
- Look At Me I’m Wonderful
- My Old Man’s A Dustman
- National Curry Day
- National Poetry Day
- Nob Gags
- Ode To My Stapler
- Ode To O
- Owed To Ayrton
- Pervert
- Poultry
- Theme For An Imaginary Soap
- Thank Friday It’s Curry Day
- The Breakfast Song
- Underwear
- The Glisten On The Aubergine
- The Shits
- The Secret Life Of The Wheat Crunchie
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