Finger On The Button

Got my finger on the button 

I’m ready for some action. 

It only takes a gentle press 

So let’s see your reaction. 

Do you moan, do you groan? 

Do you squirm and wriggle? 

Or do you just smirk childlishly 

And give a little giggle? 

 

Got my finger on the button, 

How pleased it makes me feel. 

The time it took to find it 

Makes it such a great big deal. 

But now at last I’ve got there 

After nine attempts or more. 

I hope I don’t forget this place 

Like I did before. 

 

Got my finger on the button... 

Damn! It’s slipped right off the spot! 

Now, it should be right back here, 

Bloody hell... it’s not. 

Where the fuck’s it gone to? 

I just do not understand. 

It’s a needle in a haystack 

And it’s not what I had planned. 

 

Got my finger off the button 

And I’m feeling all deflated. 

I’m sorry, love, I know that you 

Should have been elated. 

It’s all my fault, I know it is. 

I know that it’s no joke. 

But never mind, at least I can 

Go straight in for a poke. 

 

• Goose
• Great Fat Hairy Arseholes
• Die Like Elvis
• National Curry Day
• Bachelor Gay
• A Postcard From Paris
• Poultry
• Bike
• If I Were
• Beansprouts
• JFK
• Owed To Ayrton
• The Glisten On The Aubergine
• Printer Friendly Version
• Underwear
• Chairs
• The Secret Life Of The Wheat Crunchie
• Bog Troll
• Waldrapp Ibis
• When
• Kelp
• Born To Be A Cunt
• I Walked On Golden Sandwiches
• A Postcard From Cairo
• Grimsby Fair
• Safe Word
• Zafira
• Theme For An Imaginary Soap
• Star Trek
• Washing Up In The Nude
• Thank Friday It’s Curry Day
• Ode To My Stapler
• The Breakfast Song
• Pervert
• We Are All Tubes
• Fuck
• Finger On The Button
• Come To Grimsby
• Shiter’s Block
• Go East Young Man
• Auntie Brenda’s Pheasant
• Brian Is A Cunt
• National Poetry Day
• Crustylingus
• In The Park
• Ill Ness
• I Want A Wee Wee
• Nob Gags
• I Walked On My Own Feet A Bit
• Dining At The Y
• Let’s Swap Snot
• Bum Cracks
• A Poet’s Life
• Ode To O
• Boris Et Al
• GDPR
• Look At Me I’m Wonderful
• My Old Man’s A Dustman
• Bollocks
• Chips
• Being Smelly
• A Song In My Heart
• The Shits

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