Printer Friendly Version

Hey printer! Gosh, you’re really nice, 

I love the way you print, 

The sharpness of your images, 

The colours, hues and tints. 

The photos of my holiday 

Are pleasing to my eye, 

No crappy jagged edges 

At twelve hundred dpi. 

 

Yo printer! Wow, you’re so superb! 

You print with awesome clarity. 

I say these words sincerely 

And not just out of charity. 

For Christmas Day I do not want 

A pear tree full of partridges; 

Instead I would prefer my stocking 

Filled with colour cartridges. 

 

Wow printer! Oo, you’re truly great, 

You make me feel on fire. Oh, 

Printing stuff is way more fun 

Than writing with my biro, 

And when I am not with you 

Then I’ve only gone a away for 

Half an hour to buy you lots 

More clean white sheets of A4. 

 

• A Poet’s Life
• Star Trek
• A Postcard From Cairo
• Waldrapp Ibis
• A Postcard From Paris
• Washing Up In The Nude
• A Song In My Heart
• We Are All Tubes
• Auntie Brenda’s Pheasant
• Bachelor Gay
• Beansprouts
• Being Smelly
• Bike
• Bog Troll
• Bollocks
• Boris Et Al
• When
• Born To Be A Cunt
• Brian Is A Cunt
• Bum Cracks
• Chairs
• Chips
• Come To Grimsby
• Crustylingus
• Die Like Elvis
• Dining At The Y
• Zafira
• Finger On The Button
• Fuck
• GDPR
• Go East Young Man
• Goose
• Printer Friendly Version
• Great Fat Hairy Arseholes
• Grimsby Fair
• Safe Word
• I Walked On Golden Sandwiches
• Shiter’s Block
• I Walked On My Own Feet A Bit
• I Want A Wee Wee
• If I Were
• Ill Ness
• In The Park
• JFK
• Kelp
• Let’s Swap Snot
• Look At Me I’m Wonderful
• My Old Man’s A Dustman
• National Curry Day
• National Poetry Day
• Nob Gags
• Ode To My Stapler
• Ode To O
• Owed To Ayrton
• Pervert
• Poultry
• Theme For An Imaginary Soap
• Thank Friday It’s Curry Day
• The Breakfast Song
• Underwear
• The Glisten On The Aubergine
• The Shits
• The Secret Life Of The Wheat Crunchie

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