Printer Friendly Version

Hey printer! Gosh, you’re really nice, 

I love the way you print, 

The sharpness of your images, 

The colours, hues and tints. 

The photos of my holiday 

Are pleasing to my eye, 

No crappy jagged edges 

At twelve hundred dpi. 

 

Yo printer! Wow, you’re so superb! 

You print with awesome clarity. 

I say these words sincerely 

And not just out of charity. 

For Christmas Day I do not want 

A pear tree full of partridges; 

Instead I would prefer my stocking 

Filled with colour cartridges. 

 

Wow printer! Oo, you’re truly great, 

You make me feel on fire. Oh, 

Printing stuff is way more fun 

Than writing with my biro, 

And when I am not with you 

Then I’ve only gone a away for 

Half an hour to buy you lots 

More clean white sheets of A4. 

 

• Washing Up In The Nude
• Bike
• Chips
• National Curry Day
• Go East Young Man
• Bachelor Gay
• Poultry
• A Song In My Heart
• Finger On The Button
• A Postcard From Paris
• Beansprouts
• Nob Gags
• Bollocks
• Boris Et Al
• Crustylingus
• Auntie Brenda’s Pheasant
• I Walked On My Own Feet A Bit
• Shiter’s Block
• Thank Friday It’s Curry Day
• Look At Me I’m Wonderful
• The Glisten On The Aubergine
• In The Park
• Being Smelly
• Great Fat Hairy Arseholes
• The Shits
• My Old Man’s A Dustman
• Star Trek
• Ode To My Stapler
• Chairs
• Waldrapp Ibis
• Bum Cracks
• Die Like Elvis
• Kelp
• Fuck
• I Walked On Golden Sandwiches
• We Are All Tubes
• Underwear
• If I Were
• I Want A Wee Wee
• Pervert
• GDPR
• Grimsby Fair
• Ode To O
• Let’s Swap Snot
• A Poet’s Life
• Come To Grimsby
• Ill Ness
• Brian Is A Cunt
• National Poetry Day
• A Postcard From Cairo
• The Secret Life Of The Wheat Crunchie
• When
• The Breakfast Song
• Dining At The Y
• Zafira
• Born To Be A Cunt
• Goose
• Bog Troll
• Printer Friendly Version
• JFK
• Theme For An Imaginary Soap
• Owed To Ayrton
• Safe Word

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