Bog Troll

Please don’t switch the taps on, 

Don’t pass me the soap, 

Let me get the paper towel myself; 

It’s all I hope. 

I don’t want any perfume 

To spray upon my skin, 

And sure as fuck I won’t put money 

In your begging tin. 


Why don’t you just fuck right off 

And leave me well alone? 

I may be drunk but I can use 

A toilet on my own. 

I only want to take a piss 

And wash my hands and go. 

I do not need a cunt like you 

To make the water flow. 


Don’t be nice and gracious, 

And do not call me sir, 

And please don’t be so cheerful. 

What you do is quite absurd. 

Your job is crap and pointless, 

So don’t pretend you’re happy, 

And do not treat me like a babe 

That needs a change of nappy. 


Right, that’s it. I’m done. I’m off. 

I’ll leave you to your duty. 

I don’t care how much you get 

In your tin of booty. 

Just in future don’t involve me 

In your sad career. 

I’m fucking off back to the bar now 

For another beer 



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