Die Like Elvis
Oh, let me die like Elvis -
Sitting on the bog,
A burger in my left hand
And another in my gob,
A Tennessee fine bourbon
Or a bottle of champagne,
A cocktail of narcotics
Coursing through my swollen veins.
I wish to die like Elvis,
Oh, it would be such a treat,
My bum cheeks resting firmly
On that Gracelands toilet seat,
My penis dangling in the bowl
Unhindered by erection,
My great fat hairy arsehole
Looking back on its reflection.
I’ve got to die like Elvis.
It’s the only way to go,
Not like old Abe Lincoln
Who got shot while at the show,
Not like Jesus Christ our lord
Who bled upon the cross,
And not like Robert Maxwell
’Bout whom no one gave a toss.
Only Elvis knew the way to
Exit from his stage,
’Midst golden taps and porcelain,
Not khaki, puce or beige.
We all should die like Elvis
In style and elogence.
If I cannot die like Elvis then
I’ll cark it in the Gents.
- A Poet’s Life
- Star Trek
- A Postcard From Cairo
- Waldrapp Ibis
- A Postcard From Paris
- Washing Up In The Nude
- A Song In My Heart
- We Are All Tubes
- Auntie Brenda’s Pheasant
- Bachelor Gay
- Beansprouts
- Being Smelly
- Bike
- Bog Troll
- Bollocks
- Boris Et Al
- When
- Born To Be A Cunt
- Brian Is A Cunt
- Bum Cracks
- Chairs
- Chips
- Come To Grimsby
- Crustylingus
- Die Like Elvis
- Dining At The Y
- Zafira
- Finger On The Button
- Fuck
- GDPR
- Go East Young Man
- Goose
- Printer Friendly Version
- Great Fat Hairy Arseholes
- Grimsby Fair
- Safe Word
- I Walked On Golden Sandwiches
- Shiter’s Block
- I Walked On My Own Feet A Bit
- I Want A Wee Wee
- If I Were
- Ill Ness
- In The Park
- JFK
- Kelp
- Let’s Swap Snot
- Look At Me I’m Wonderful
- My Old Man’s A Dustman
- National Curry Day
- National Poetry Day
- Nob Gags
- Ode To My Stapler
- Ode To O
- Owed To Ayrton
- Pervert
- Poultry
- Theme For An Imaginary Soap
- Thank Friday It’s Curry Day
- The Breakfast Song
- Underwear
- The Glisten On The Aubergine
- The Shits
- The Secret Life Of The Wheat Crunchie
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