Die Like Elvis
Oh, let me die like Elvis -
Sitting on the bog,
A burger in my left hand
And another in my gob,
A Tennessee fine bourbon
Or a bottle of champagne,
A cocktail of narcotics
Coursing through my swollen veins.
I wish to die like Elvis,
Oh, it would be such a treat,
My bum cheeks resting firmly
On that Gracelands toilet seat,
My penis dangling in the bowl
Unhindered by erection,
My great fat hairy arsehole
Looking back on its reflection.
I’ve got to die like Elvis.
It’s the only way to go,
Not like old Abe Lincoln
Who got shot while at the show,
Not like Jesus Christ our lord
Who bled upon the cross,
And not like Robert Maxwell
’Bout whom no one gave a toss.
Only Elvis knew the way to
Exit from his stage,
’Midst golden taps and porcelain,
Not khaki, puce or beige.
We all should die like Elvis
In style and elogence.
If I cannot die like Elvis then
I’ll cark it in the Gents.
- Washing Up In The Nude
- Bike
- Chips
- National Curry Day
- Go East Young Man
- Bachelor Gay
- Poultry
- A Song In My Heart
- Finger On The Button
- A Postcard From Paris
- Beansprouts
- Nob Gags
- Bollocks
- Boris Et Al
- Crustylingus
- Auntie Brenda’s Pheasant
- I Walked On My Own Feet A Bit
- Shiter’s Block
- Thank Friday It’s Curry Day
- Look At Me I’m Wonderful
- The Glisten On The Aubergine
- In The Park
- Being Smelly
- Great Fat Hairy Arseholes
- The Shits
- My Old Man’s A Dustman
- Star Trek
- Ode To My Stapler
- Chairs
- Waldrapp Ibis
- Bum Cracks
- Die Like Elvis
- Kelp
- Fuck
- I Walked On Golden Sandwiches
- We Are All Tubes
- Underwear
- If I Were
- I Want A Wee Wee
- Pervert
- GDPR
- Grimsby Fair
- Ode To O
- Let’s Swap Snot
- A Poet’s Life
- Come To Grimsby
- Ill Ness
- Brian Is A Cunt
- National Poetry Day
- A Postcard From Cairo
- The Secret Life Of The Wheat Crunchie
- When
- The Breakfast Song
- Dining At The Y
- Zafira
- Born To Be A Cunt
- Goose
- Bog Troll
- Printer Friendly Version
- JFK
- Theme For An Imaginary Soap
- Owed To Ayrton
- Safe Word
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