Underwear

Today has gotta be the day 

That I’ve gone and filled my pants with poo 

By now I should’ve somehow 

Realised that I’d need the loo 

I don’t believe that anybody 

Walks the way I do. I can’t sit down. 

 

Brown seat, the word is on the street 

That the power in my fart is out 

I’m sure you’ve smelled it all before 

But now it’s really up your snout 

I don’t believe that anybody 

Walks the way I do. My pants are brown. 

 

And all the turds I’ve had to crap are clinging 

And all the shite hangs from my cheeks all minging 

There are many ways that I could 

Have stopped this follow-through 

But it’s too late now 

Because maybe 

You’re gonna be the one that saves me? 

And anyway 

You’re my underwear 

 

• A Poet’s Life
• Star Trek
• A Postcard From Cairo
• Waldrapp Ibis
• A Postcard From Paris
• Washing Up In The Nude
• A Song In My Heart
• We Are All Tubes
• Auntie Brenda’s Pheasant
• Bachelor Gay
• Beansprouts
• Being Smelly
• Bike
• Bog Troll
• Bollocks
• Boris Et Al
• When
• Born To Be A Cunt
• Brian Is A Cunt
• Bum Cracks
• Chairs
• Chips
• Come To Grimsby
• Crustylingus
• Die Like Elvis
• Dining At The Y
• Zafira
• Finger On The Button
• Fuck
• GDPR
• Go East Young Man
• Goose
• Printer Friendly Version
• Great Fat Hairy Arseholes
• Grimsby Fair
• Safe Word
• I Walked On Golden Sandwiches
• Shiter’s Block
• I Walked On My Own Feet A Bit
• I Want A Wee Wee
• If I Were
• Ill Ness
• In The Park
• JFK
• Kelp
• Let’s Swap Snot
• Look At Me I’m Wonderful
• My Old Man’s A Dustman
• National Curry Day
• National Poetry Day
• Nob Gags
• Ode To My Stapler
• Ode To O
• Owed To Ayrton
• Pervert
• Poultry
• Theme For An Imaginary Soap
• Thank Friday It’s Curry Day
• The Breakfast Song
• Underwear
• The Glisten On The Aubergine
• The Shits
• The Secret Life Of The Wheat Crunchie

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