Look At Me I’m Wonderful
Look at me, I’m wonderful,
How fabulous I am.
I can drink a milkshake,
I can eat some Spam.
I can jump a million miles
And land upon my feet.
I can run for president
Or dictator of Crete.
Yesterday I taught a fridge
To yodel in Malay.
Tomorrow I shall catch a squid
The size of Whitley Bay.
And anyone who tells me
That I cannot do these things
Will find they’re plagued by locusts
With pointy teeth and wings.
Look at me, I’m beautiful,
I’m such a handsome fellow.
I’m so good looking I’d look great
Even dressed in yellow.
I could charm a nightingale
To fall out of a tree,
I could sell my farts in jars
For over 50p.
See me as I stroll along
The high street of your town.
Watch the women-folk prostrate
Themselves upon the ground.
It’s me they want, it’s me they want,
It’s me they want to date.
It’s true it is, it really is,
Just look at me - I’m great!
- Washing Up In The Nude
- Bike
- Chips
- National Curry Day
- Go East Young Man
- Bachelor Gay
- Poultry
- A Song In My Heart
- Finger On The Button
- A Postcard From Paris
- Beansprouts
- Nob Gags
- Bollocks
- Boris Et Al
- Crustylingus
- Auntie Brenda’s Pheasant
- I Walked On My Own Feet A Bit
- Shiter’s Block
- Thank Friday It’s Curry Day
- Look At Me I’m Wonderful
- The Glisten On The Aubergine
- In The Park
- Being Smelly
- Great Fat Hairy Arseholes
- The Shits
- My Old Man’s A Dustman
- Star Trek
- Ode To My Stapler
- Chairs
- Waldrapp Ibis
- Bum Cracks
- Die Like Elvis
- Kelp
- Fuck
- I Walked On Golden Sandwiches
- We Are All Tubes
- Underwear
- If I Were
- I Want A Wee Wee
- Pervert
- GDPR
- Grimsby Fair
- Ode To O
- Let’s Swap Snot
- A Poet’s Life
- Come To Grimsby
- Ill Ness
- Brian Is A Cunt
- National Poetry Day
- A Postcard From Cairo
- The Secret Life Of The Wheat Crunchie
- When
- The Breakfast Song
- Dining At The Y
- Zafira
- Born To Be A Cunt
- Goose
- Bog Troll
- Printer Friendly Version
- JFK
- Theme For An Imaginary Soap
- Owed To Ayrton
- Safe Word
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